So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
