I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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