One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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