we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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