sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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