That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
