She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
