i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The air taste purple.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
