Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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