I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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