Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
