I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
