Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You ate ashes out of my bong
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
