I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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