Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
