are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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