When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
