i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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