oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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