She announced her abortion via fbk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
