Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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