So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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