Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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