The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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