A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
