I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
