Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
