wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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