well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
