So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual