My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!