Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
