he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
