I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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