sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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