My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
