I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
