So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
