I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
where does the pee come out of this thing
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
