I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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