Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
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I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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