I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
