Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
