Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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