Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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