I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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