Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
