so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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