hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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