but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
