fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
