i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
