I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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