I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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