Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
