I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
