Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He passed out mid-signature
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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