I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize