I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
